Pure Romance
the Five Types of Intimacy
This script was adapted and expanded from a blog I had previously written about the five types of intimacy.
The goal was to create a podcast-style two-person conversation around different topics that could be recorded and streamed during digital events. Unfortunately, while the script was completed, the final product never came to fruition.
Person 1: When you think about the word “intimacy,” what are some other words you associate with it?
Person 2: Couldn’t have given me an easier one, huh? Ok, Intimacy…Love. Romance. Sparks. Butterflies. Sex.
Person 1: [Laughs] You’re actually proving the point you didn’t know I was going to make! When people think about intimacy, they so often lean towards very strong emotions, experiences, or “blink and you’ll miss it” feelings—like getting butterflies, or feeling sparks—that, despite their fleeting nature, leave a lasting impact on us.
Person 2: But, obviously, there’s more to intimacy than catching feelings and getting it on.
Person 1: [Laughs] Of course. Intimacy is a deep, layered mix of connections—physical, emotional, mental, and even spiritual.
Person 2: It isn’t just what happens between the sheets, but what happens between two people everywhere else, too.
Person 1: Exactly. It’s about all the things we share, we explore, and we experience together.
Person 2: Makes sense!
Person 1: So we’re going to dive into intimacy, talk about all the different kinds, how they show up in our lives, and how we can use them in order to strengthen and building lasting, intimate relationships.
Person 2: Let’s do it!
Person 1: [Looks at the camera} These are the Five Types of Intimacy.
[Title Card:]
The Five Types of Intimacy
[Physical Intimacy]
Person 2: So I’d guess the best place to start would be the most obvious one—physical intimacy.
Person 1: Right! For most people, when they say the word “intimacy,” they’re just talking about sex. And, of course, that’s part of it, but it goes way beyond that.
Person 2: Physical intimacy basically includes anything physical. Holding hands. Cuddling. A little spooning during movie night.
Person 1: All of it! Touching, hugging, brushing someone’s hair out of their face—those little gestures matter. They show closeness and care. They also deepen our bond! Physical closeness releases oxytocin into your system.
Person 2: That’s the one that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, right? One of those “happy hormones?”
Person 1: Exactly. Oxytocin helps with relaxation. It helps us bond and build trust by making us feel good when someone we care about touches us. It’s easy to forget that non-sexual touch can be just as intimate as anything that ever happens in bed.
Person 2: Honestly, sometimes just holding hands during a stressful day can communicate, “I love you, I’ve got you,” better than words ever could.
Person 1: Absolutely. It’s comfort, reassurance, and connection all rolled into one. Even sitting close on the couch and feeling that quiet sense of safety—that’s an important aspect of physical intimacy.
Person 2: And it’s amazing how physical touch can calm anxiety. Like, one hug can literally lower your blood pressure.
Person 1: [laughs] It’s science!
Person 2: Ok, that’s great and mushy and all, but just because there’s more to physical intimacy than sex…sex is still an important part of it.
Person 1: Absolutely! I mean, sex is literally the closest you can be to another person! And engaging in regular sex with your partner is so important to maintaining a lasting relationship because it not only makes you feel good—releasing all those “happy hormones” again—but it makes you feel vulnerable, which helps you bond.
Person 2: I mean, yeah. If you don’t feel vulnerable while naked on all fours…well, you’re a more confident person than I am.
Person 1: [Laughs] Yes, it’s those big moments of physical closeness that help connect us, but the smaller moments are just as important to maintaining a happy, healthy relationship.
Person 2: I mean, look at all the jokes about getting married and then never having sex again. Obviously, there’s a lot of hyperbole there, but as life gets busier—work, kids, bills—it can be harder to find those moments to be, well, naked on all fours! So those smaller moments of physicality are key to maintaining those lasting relationships.
Person 1: Absolutely! Okay, so, that’s physical intimacy. Next up, we’ve got another common one we’ve all probably heard of: Emotional Intimacy.
[Emotional Intimacy]
Person 2: Yes, if physical intimacy connects our bodies, then, you could say that emotional intimacy connects our hearts.
Person 1: Yep. Emotional intimacy is about being open—sharing your feelings, your fears, your hopes—even the embarrassing stuff. It’s another example of being vulnerable with your partner in order to better bond and connect.
Person 2: No nudity necessary! But not discouraged.
Person 1: [Laughs] Any hopes, fears, or anxieties shared while naked should probably be taken with a grain of salt, though.
Person 2: Yeah, some people will say anything while naked. And others probably won’t hear anything you say if you’re naked.
Person 1: [Laughs] The important thing is that you’re sharing!
Person 2: Of course, sharing is caring, as they say.
Person 1: Sharing is caring—and it’s why you feel cared for sometimes!
Person 2: It’s being able to say things like, “I’m having a bad day,” instead of just insisting things are fine.
Person 1: Exactly. It’s saying, “I’m not okay,” and knowing your partner will meet you with compassion instead of judgment. That kind of emotional safety is priceless.
Person 2: And it’s funny, people think vulnerability makes them weak, but it actually tends to make relationships stronger.
Person 1: Totally. Being open and vulnerable lowers your defenses and allows you the emotional space to let others in.
Person 2: And it can also lower the guard of the other person too. The entire point of empathy is feeling others’ feelings. Echoing that vulnerability. It opens both people up.
Person 1: And the more emotionally open you are, the more trust you create. That’s the glue that holds you together when life gets messy.
Person 2: And I think this one is especially hard because it requires both people to show up—like, really show up—and listen.
Person 1: Yes! Emotional intimacy is a two-way street. It’s not just talking. It’s also hearing, validating, and supporting each other.
Person 2: So, step one to emotional intimacy: be brave enough to talk about your stuff. Step two: actually listen when your partner talks about theirs.
Person 1: Nailed it. And hey, I know we sound like we’re talking only about big emotional talks, but it doesn’t have to be all heavy and serious. Emotional connection can come from sharing joy, too—like celebrating each other’s wins or laughing until you cry.
Person 2: Or sharing your hopes or dreams for the future! Vulnerability isn’t just sadness or personal admissions—it’s letting someone see you happy, silly, or passionate without filters. And it’s often the bedrock of so many relationships.
Person 1: Absolutely. Emotional intimacy is what often provides you both stability when the waves get choppy. Being emotionally open and able to depend on supportive and candid feedback from your partner can strengthen your bond and enhance your entire relationship.
Person 2: Ok, that one was a little deep. On a bit of an emotional comedown here.
Person 1: [Laughs] Well, you grab a tissue while I keep our intimate train on the tracks. From the body, to the heart—to the head. Our next type of intimacy is Intellectual Intimacy.
[Intellectual Intimacy]
Person 2: Talk about a mindfuck.
Person 1: [Laughs] Not quite!
Intellectual intimacy is all about connecting through ideas and conversations that make you both think.
Person 2: So, like, deep 2 a.m. talks about life, the universe, and everything?
Person 1: Not necessarily. I mean, it can absolutely be that, but it can also just be talking about your day when you get home in the evening. Or discussing current events, that new album that just came out, or the podcast you listened to on the way home from work.
Person 2: If I keep talking about Taylor Swift, my partner might leave me, though.
Person 1: [laughs] Well then, maybe it’s time for an upgrade!
Person 2: But I see what you mean. It’s basically mental foreplay. Sharing opinions, having that back-and-forth, engaging with each other mentally.
Person 1: Exactly. It’s stimulating in a totally different way.
Person 2: And you don’t need to be a philosopher to do it. Sure, you can talk about the deep stuff, but it can be as simple as reading a book or watching a movie or show together and then talking about it.
Person 1: Absolutely. It’s about curiosity and engagement. “Did you see that fan theory that all the characters are really dead?” “Do you think we’ll ever find life on other planets?” “Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?”
Person 2: [laughing] The great modern questions.
Person 1: I’m a horse-sized duck person.
Person 2: Nuh-uh, you’d die. Hundred duck-sized horses.
Person 1: Enjoy all those tiny hooves on your face.
Person 2: In my scenario, there’s a tree to climb.
Person 1: Touché.
Person 2: See? I feel closer to you already.
Person 1: [Laughs] Anyway! Those sorts of engaging questions and conversations are the foundation of intellectual intimacy. It keeps you thinking! Keeps you learning about the other person’s thoughts and feelings.
Person 2: It also keeps things fresh! Nothing kills the passion like feeling like you’ve already had every conversation possible.
Person 1: Exactly. Keep it fresh, keep it curious, keep it playful. No one wants a boring partner. And honestly, sometimes the sexiest thing is watching them get fired up about something they care about. Whether they’re talking about a hobby, something in the news, or pineapple on pizza.
Person 2: [Suddenly serious. Pauses.] Don’t. Don’t even start.
Person 1: [laughs]—having those kinds of debates and discussions keeps you engaged! The goal isn’t to agree on everything, it’s to understand how the other person thinks and sees the world. It’s to deepen your understanding of each other.
Person 2: That’s how you keep discovering new layers to your relationship, even years in.
Person 1: And you know a great way to spark up those intellectually intimate discussions?
Person 2: I bet it’s our next type of intimacy.
[Experiential Intimacy]
Person 1: Type 4! Experiential intimacy! This one’s all about shared experiences.
Person 2: You mean, like, building memories together?
Person 1: Not just building memories together—though that’s definitely part of it—but just doing things together. Experiential intimacy is about literally just having experiences together. Stories. Jokes. Shared moments.
Person 2: Like those inside jokes that come from one weird moment years ago that still makes you both laugh. Or that vacation story that all of your friends are tired of, but you and your partner tell anytime someone new is around.
Person 1: Yes! And it doesn’t have to be big. Even small things, like cooking together, taking the scenic route when driving to visit family, or trying a new restaurant can create an experiential moment.
Partner 2: And it’s literally about the ups and the downs! Because how often do you remember the recipes that went well? Or the spontaneous drives that didn’t end with you getting lost? Or those new restaurants where everything was just, you know, [shrugs] “pretty good.”
Partner 1: [Laughs] Absolutely! It’s those funny little things that happen along the way that are the foundation of these kinds of experiences. It’s where those inside jokes are born, where those memories are created that will just pop in your mind at random moments, or where you learned something new about the other person.
Partner 2: Like your boyfriend doesn’t know how to change a tire.
Partner 1: And you made fun of him for that for YEARS.
Person 2: [Thinking] Oddly got a lot of mileage out of that flat tire.
Person 1: [Laughs] Mostly, experiential intimacy is about presence. Doing things together, not just existing in the same room.
Person 2: So, not just scrolling on opposite ends of the couch all night.
Person 1: Right! Even something as simple as grocery shopping together can be a shared experience that tightens your bond.
Person 2: …Or an unmitigated disaster that creates a story you can tell about why you do all the grocery shopping alone now.
Person 1: [Laughs] Exactly! Experiences come in all shapes and sizes.
Person 2: Grand, weeks-long trans-Atlantic trips…to tiny Sunday drives.
Person 1: Big or small, the important part is being together. Experiencing things together. Forging memories and creating stories. Together.
Person 2: It’s a great reminder that relationships are living things. It’s amazing if you can simply enjoy each other’s company, but it’s those new experiences that can so often keep things feeling fun, fresh, and new.
Person 1: It’s those shared experiences that build resilience, give you new stories to tell, and broaden your horizons as a couple.
Person 2: You’re not just two people—you’re a team with a highlight reel.
Person 1: Exactly!
Person 2: A few of them might be bloopers, but a highlight is a highlight.
Person 1: IExactly.
Person 2: Ok, so if I remember correctly, the last type of intimacy is just a few steps away from experiential intimacy...
Person 1: Yes! The two are pretty closely related! In fact, our fifth type of intimacy has a little bit of overlap with most of the others: it’s Spiritual Intimacy.
[Spiritual Intimacy]
Person 2: Now, despite its name, this kind of intimacy doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with religion, or prayer, or anything like that.
Person 1: Not specifically, but that can absolutely be a part of it, if that’s part of you and your partner’s life. Spiritual intimacy is very much about calm and mindfulness.
Person 2: So it’s those quiet, reflective moments you spend together. Kind of the quiet side of experiential intimacy.
Person 1: Exactly! The quiet side of experiential, the tender side of physical, the deep side of emotional.
Person 2: It could be meditating, praying, watching the sunrise, looking at the stars, or just lying in silence together.
Person 1: It’s sharing those spiritually-enriching moments with each other that can bring you closer together.
Person 2: Like when you reach that level of a relationship where you can just sit in the car silently and not feel like someone has to make conversation?
Person 1: We’re generally talking things that are a little more awe-inspiring or inspirational, but quiet contentment works too, I guess [Laughs]
Person 2: Getting me to be quiet can be pretty inspirational.
Person 1: This is true. There’s a reason I wear headphones at my desk all day.
Person 2: I get what you mean, though. We’re talking about those moments when words aren’t necessary but connection is palpable.
Person 1: Yeah, I mean, I think people underestimate how powerful calm can be. Sometimes just spending time being quiet and content with your partner can be the highlight of your weekend.
Person 2: Listening to music, taking a nap while your partner reads a book…It’s more a feeling than actually being engaged in anything specific.
Person 1: Exactly. Spiritual intimacy ties everything else together—body, heart, mind—and adds a little bit of soul into it. It’s recognizing those moments of awe or contentment—big or small—that make you feel connected to each other.
[Keeping the Balance]
Person 2: Ok, so let’s recap! We have Physical Intimacy—
Person 1: Not just sex, but anytime you’re showing physical affection—
Person 2: Emotional Intimacy—
Person 1: Sharing your thoughts and feelings with each other—
Person 2: Intellectual Intimacy—
Person 1: Talking, debating, discussing, conversing—
Person 2: Experiential Intimacy—
Person 1: Sharing experiences big and small—
Person 2: Aaand Spiritual Intimacy—
Person 1: Moments of quiet contentment you share as a couple!
Person 2: Woof. That’s a lot.
Ok, so now the big question: how do you balance them all? Because not every couple’s recipe is the same, right?
Person 1: Exactly. You have to find the right balance for you and your partner. The goal isn’t to have equal amounts of everything—it’s to have what works best for you!
Person 2: I’m sure we’ve all had relationships where we’ve realized that the way you’re interacting and bonding with this partner is a little different from the last one.
Person 1: Totally! Every couple’s foundation is going to be a little different. For some, their bedrock might be physical intimacy. Their tiny touches during the day and their wild rocking at night!
Person 2: And others might be fully vested in the emotional side, having found a partner they can be truly vulnerable with and knowing that they can count on that person to hear them out and support them emotionally, regardless of what life throws their way.
Person 1: And for other couples, it might be intellectual intimacy that’s the root of their relationship—how they talk and debate each day. Engage with each other on a mental level.
Person 2: Others might be on the go every other weekend, their traveling and finding new things to do and explore being that thing that really bonds them!
Person 1: And for some, it might be that spiritual side of things. Their religion, meditation, them spending quiet weekends around the house, headphones out, phones down, TV off.
Person 2: And just like with any part of a relationship, you really need to just check in sometimes. Like, “Hey, are you getting everything you need? Are we connecting in ways that are still meaningful to you? Do we need to go climb a mountain or something?”
Person 1: [Laughs] Yes! Think of it like a relationship temperature check. If one area feels a little off, talk about it. You might realize you’ve been missing those long walks, or those heart-to-hearts before bed. Or the mountain climbing.
Person 2: Or maybe you’ve been missing climbing a different kind of mountain recently!
Person 1: [Laughs] Lack of physical intimacy can be a big relationship killer for so many people! So definitely check in if it’s been a while since you’ve done the deed!
Person 2: Absolutely! Naked! On all fours! Vulnerability!
Person 1: [Laughs] It’s all about what works for you! Intimacy isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation.
Person 2: It’s like a relationship playlist—you’ve got your mellow songs, your dance tracks, those poppy singles, and the nostalgia hits.
Person 1: The trick is making sure you’re both enjoying the song you’re on! Or the one that’s coming up!
Person 2: So, the moral of the story is: talk, touch, laugh, experience, and breathe —together.
Person 1: Together. That’s really what it’s about. Being and doing and experiencing…together. Because a balanced relationship isn’t just about love or sex—it’s about connection.
Person 2: I mean, yeah, sex is cool…but have you tried emotional vulnerability?
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